It's Not Always About You

Fishing Rods and Figure Skates

In my twenties, I went fishing with my parents a few times, and after I married, I took my husband. We weren’t outdoors people, we didn’t even own the gear but my dad had everything we needed. One Christmas he even bought us our own rods. They stayed at his place because, truthfully, fishing wasn’t my thing. It was his.

Years later, I put my daughter into figure skating because that was my passion growing up. She did well, mostly out of competitiveness, but her heart wasn’t in it. She was meant for hockey something I never played, but her dad did.

And eventually, she found her own path altogether in competitive swimming. Watching from the stands, we cheered and “coached” like Olympic medalists, though we’d never swum competitively ourselves. That’s parenting: exposing your kids to experiences while learning to let go when they choose their own direction.

Letting Go in Leadership

Work was no different. As a supervisor, I had a way I liked to run files. My team followed my lead, and I poured myself into the systems I created. But when I left, the next person made changes, some small, some sweeping.

It was hard to watch at first. Something I invested so much in could vanish with a simple poof. But that’s the reality of leadership: when you move on, others will bring their own vision. It’s not a rejection of yours, it’s their chance to chart their own path, just as you once did.

I remember leaving a role I’d held for five years and trying to come to terms with the transition. I thought about U.S. Presidents: after four or eight years of enormous effort, their work can be undone by the next leader. How do they accept that? How do they move forward knowing change is inevitable?

The Bigger Picture

Parenting, leadership, influence, it all follows the same cycle. You introduce, guide, and shape, but ultimately, it’s not about you. Your children, your team, your successors will take what they’ve learned and move forward in their own way.

Great parenting means realizing your child’s life is not your do-over. Great leadership means understanding the same truth: when it’s their turn, it’s not about preserving your legacy, but about them creating theirs.

So, while you have influence, whether as a parent, leader, or mentor, enjoy the moment. Because your time in that role will end, change will come, and the cycle will repeat.

This photo is the day I graduated from the Police Academy. My Chief was near the end of his career, I was just starting mine, but he has stayed connected with me all these years and still sends me messages of encouragement- that’s leadership.