Hey You! Yes, You- Don't Sit in the Corner

I remember when I was a newly promoted Inspector and was asked to attend a monthly meeting at provincial headquarters. It was the room, the one with the top leaders from across the province. Updates. Direction. “Marching orders,” so to speak.

I was there to present on a safety device I had purchased for my frontline officers. It hadn’t been approved by headquarters. I had the budget. I saw the risk. I made the call.

The device was commonly used by firefighters it alerts when oxygen levels are dangerously low. I had watched police officers enter environments that were just as unsafe. It made sense. So I bought it.

That part isn’t really what this post is about.

When my boss and I arrived, the room was empty. We took seats at the main table. No big deal.

Then senior leaders began to file in. They filled seats at the table and started talking shop.

And then something caught my attention.

There were still empty seats at the table plenty of them. But a group entered the room and instead of joining everyone else, they took small chairs lined up along the back wall.

I leaned over and pointed out that there were seats available.

One of the lower-ranking men. a Sergeant, looked at me and said,“We don’t sit at the table. We sit back here with the invited guests.”

I was dumbfounded.

Then he looked at me as if I was supposed to get up and move too.

I did no such thing.

I pulled my chair in closer to the table and planted myself there for my presentation and for the remainder of the meeting.

But that moment stayed with me.

Because it wasn’t about chairs.

It was about systems. Conditioning. Invisible rules. And who believes they’re allowed to take up space.

I had no hesitation taking that seat. I knew I belonged there. I had earned it.

But I often wondered if I had arrived late, and the only visible seats were along the wall, would I have still walked to the table?

My answer: Yes.

Over the years, I’ve walked into countless meetings and seen people, often women, sitting along the wall. Watching. Waiting. Unsure.

I’d say, “Come sit at the table. There’s room.”

They’d hesitate. Almost every time.

Until I physically moved my chair over and made space beside me.

Here’s the truth: research consistently shows that women are less likely to self-nominate for stretch opportunities unless they meet 100% of the criteria, while men will often step forward when they meet closer to 60%. Studies on self-advocacy and workplace advancement also show that women are less likely to negotiate, self-promote, or interrupt in high-status rooms, not because they lack competence, but because they’ve been socially conditioned to wait to be invited.

Meanwhile, research on “power posing” and spatial dominance, yes, even something as simple as where you sit, shows that those who physically claim central space are perceived as more authoritative and more competent. Visibility matters.

And women who do claim space? They are more likely to be seen as leaders, more likely to be given stretch assignments, and more likely to advance, particularly when other women already in the room visibly support them.

It’s not just confidence. It’s access.

And sometimes access starts with a chair.

It’s International Women’s Day, and I want to remind everyone of the importance of offering and pointing out seats at the table.

Don’t take it for granted.

Many women still need that visible invitation, especially when they are the only woman in the room.

And let’s be honest, sometimes it’s not awkwardness. It’s isolation.

I was reminded of that recently.

A few weeks ago, I delivered a keynote at a women-hosted event. Men were there too, engaged, present, participating.

Afterward, one man approached me. He told me he had been nervous attending.

He said he was worried, as the only man in the room, that he might somehow become a “target.”

I let him finish.

Then I said:

“What an incredible learning moment you just gave yourself. You were nervous being the only man in a room full of women. Now imagine how the women around you feel when they are almost always the only woman in the room.”

He paused.

And he got it.

In one small lived experience of being the minority gender, he felt the weight of what many women navigate daily.

So on this day of recognition and celebration, where the theme is “Give To Gain”,  I’ll say it again:

To the person sitting off to the side, wondering when it’s your turn —

Yes, you.

Grab the chair. The stool. Even the empty box if you have to.

Pull it up to the table.

Take your seat.

If I can do it, so can you.

And here’s the part that might surprise you:

Most of the time, no one even notices.

But you will.

And that changes everything.