I Listen to Dead People

Don’t get me wrong, this is not The Sixth Sense. I don’t actually hear dead people speaking to me.

What I mean is that people at the end of their lives offer insights that can only come when you know the life you had a chance to live is almost over.

And interestingly, the advice is almost always the same.

Those who die younger often have slightly different reflections than those who lived long lives, but the themes repeat themselves over and over again. There are a handful of things that people at the end of life desperately wish they had paid more attention to.

Before we end up in the same boat.

And let’s be honest, you never know when or how that boat is arriving.

I’m 55 years old now. As much as I would love to say I’m “middle-aged,” the reality is that I’m probably not living to 110. Which means I’m likely about two-thirds of the way through this ride.

That realization has been sitting with me lately.

I’ve watched people younger than me lose their lives suddenly. Others slightly older, but still with so much life left to live if tragedy hadn’t intervened.

It’s a strange place to stand.

I still (hopefully) have many years ahead of me, maybe 30 if I’m lucky, but I also have to recognize that most of my life is already behind me.

I’ve written before about living fully because you don’t know when the last day is coming. But lately I’ve been thinking a little deeper about it.

If the people at the end of life are telling us the same lessons over and over again… maybe we should actually listen.

So here goes.

JUST LOVE YOUR BODY ALREADY

This one may be mostly directed at women, but honestly, I’m sick to death of hearing anyone, women or men, tell me what my body should look like.

Take your diets, your fasting, your Ozempic, and shove it up your ass.

Our bodies are not decoration. They are vessels designed for experiencing life.

Holy hell, why would you skip the ice cream? Pass up the authentic Italian pizza? Say no to the vintage glass of wine?

And don’t even get me started on those Cadbury hard-shell Easter eggs.

Those things are magical.

But here’s the bigger point.

A strong body will give you far more life than a starved, weak one ever will.

A strong body lets you:

• Hike all day long and maybe survive a few days if you run out of food (just saying)

• Move furniture when life throws you a curveball

• Rock your child in your arms for hours when they’re sick

• Stand up and defend the people you love if the moment ever comes

So wear the top even if a roll is showing. Put on the two-piece swimsuit. Let the sun warm your skin. Wear the dress. Wear the shoes.

Care for it so it lasts, but just LOVE and live in the body you were given.

BE YOURSELF

This one is heartbreaking when it comes from people at the end of life.

Many regret that they didn’t live a life aligned with their values, beliefs, and what truly mattered to them.

Instead, they lived the life they thought others expected of them.

How horrible is that?

Now, I’m not suggesting you stomp around the world with a “my way or the highway” attitude.

But don’t shrink yourself to fit someone else’s comfort level.

Don’t twist your values just to stay in a job, relationship, or environment that requires you to sacrifice who you are at your core.

Because when you allow yourself to actually be who you are:

• You find your purpose

• You find your tribe

• You find peace

• You gain clarity about what matters

• You develop a strength that others are drawn to

Authenticity has a strange gravity to it.

People feel it.

MOVE ON

This one is hard for many people. But the advice to move on from people, jobs, relationships, locations, or situations that no longer serve you, is one of the most common reflections from those near the end of life.

Most of us cling to the life we’ve built because it feels safe.

We know how to navigate it. We know the rules.

But what if the courage to move on is the very thing that elevates your life to a level you’ve only dreamed about?

When I was younger, I used to spend a lot of time “wishing on a star.”

Hoping amazing things would happen in my life. Eventually I realized something important.

Those wishes weren’t random. They were my inner voice telling me what I wanted and it was up to me to find the path to make them happen.

Life is not a spectator sport.

You have to chase the things you want.

And sometimes that means leaving behind something you once loved so you can climb the next hill.

Yes, the next level might be harder. Yes, you might not be as good at it, yet.

But if you keep climbing, the view only gets better.

CHOOSE THE EXPERIENCE

I don’t care what anyone tells you.

You cannot take any money or belongings with you.

Now I’m not suggesting you be reckless or leave your kids drowning in debt.

But what’s the point of working your entire life just to accumulate things?

At the end of your life you won’t lie there thinking about the car you bought, the house you owned, or the jewelry you wore.

You’ll remember the moments. The trips with your children. Late nights with friends solving the world’s problems over a glass of wine. The conversations that lasted until two in the morning.

Those memories are what stay. They’re also what keep you alive in the hearts and minds of the people who are still here when you’re gone.

So book the trip. Go for the lunch. Make the call. Take the walk. Write the book.

Leave behind a record of the life you lived and how fully you lived it.

Because if you listen closely, the people at the end of life are telling us something very clearly:

The only thing that really matters… is that you showed up and lived it.