You Are Doing It Wrong!

“That’s not how you do it.”

That was the horrified statement of my 19-year-old daughter after I launched my Instagram adventure.

She was right.

I was doing it wrong. In fact, I probably still am because truthfully, I’ve never really done it before.

Just because I’m 54, have a degree, raised two kids, worked 26 years as a police officer, written a book, renovated homes, and cared for dogs doesn’t mean I know the first thing about Instagram.

And…it’s not just me, you may be the top person in your organization, leader to a team of people, or just in your personal life, and you are likely doing some things wrong also.

And that’s ok.

When I was leaving policing, my counselor reminded me: “You are brand new at this. You have no experience being retired. It will take time to learn.”

That landed.

I also once saw a post that said when kids turn 20, they’ve only been adults for two years (well graduated from high school at least), they’re basically “two-year-old adults.”

If that’s the case, then I’m a 10-month-old retiree.

Like all 10-month-olds, I’m clumsy. I need encouragement. I need someone to cheer me on, to offer a steadying hand while I wobble through new steps. I need reminders that it’s ok to try, fall over, and get back up again.

And like a baby, I haven’t quite decided what I like yet. Not food or people, but what is actually worth my time. I don’t want to fill my days with things just to stay busy. I want to invest in what feels meaningful—to me, to my family, and maybe even to strangers who stumble across my words.

My 101 Things Bucket List has helped me sort through this:

• Personal joys: time with family, hobbies that recharge me.

• Female friendships: now more important than ever as I navigate perimenopause and menopause. (Loved that Instagram post about the “we do not care club”!)

• Contributions to the world: offering something new and different than what my policing years gave.

So here’s my reminder—if you’re new to any life stage (a 1-month-old parent, a 14-month-old spouse, or a 10-month-old retiree like me): give yourself a break.

No one becomes an expert overnight. Skills don’t always transfer neatly from one chapter to the next.  We may ‘feel’ like our previous experience and knowledge makes people think we should be an expert, the truth is we are not. Stop pressuring yourself or worse yet, pretending you are an expert, you are not expected to be!

So while I awkwardly learn to navigate social media and share my new book, I hope you’ll smile with me—like you would at a baby wobbling toward balance, unsure but determined.

That’s me right now.

And that’s ok.

On my way to Cyndi Lauper with my daughter