The Faces Of Fear

I recently shared a story on LinkedIn about my fear of heights, something that developed later in life, rooted in years of trauma exposure from major crime and child abuse investigations. But some of the most paralyzing fears I’ve faced have nothing to do with heights, confined spaces, or even snakes (and believe me, snakes of any size are on my list!).

The fear I want to talk about today is far more human: the fear of running into someone after a painful or damaging experience with them. It could be a boss who targeted you, a CEO who fired you, or a colleague who gaslit you until your reputation crumbled. It might be closer to home, a family member, an ex-partner, or even a friend where things went sideways.

That first encounter can be terrifying. Sometimes it’s expected, like an event you both must attend, and sometimes it’s sudden and unplanned. Either way, the anticipation alone can feel unbearable.

I faced this fear recently. For more than a year, I had avoided certain events because of people I didn’t want to see. But avoiding them was shrinking my life. When an event came up that I knew I needed to attend, I realized I had to deal with it head-on.

The lead-up was agonizing. Even with support around me, I couldn’t picture myself in the room without my body reacting. It was embarrassing. People often tell me I’m strong and confident, yet here I was, afraid of people who could no longer hurt me. My rational brain told me it was ridiculous. My body told me otherwise.

So, I tried something new: EMDR therapy. For those unfamiliar, EMDR uses eye movement or tapping to help reframe traumatic experiences. I did two sessions focused solely on this upcoming event. Honestly, I was skeptical. But when the day came, I felt surprisingly calm.

Walking into the venue, I was greeted by warm, supportive faces. Then I saw the people I’d been avoiding. To my surprise, my heart didn’t race. Later, as I stood near a group that included one of my biggest triggers, I felt a sudden wave of peace.

Almost as if the Universe whispered: Go. It’s time.

I took a deep breath, gave myself five seconds of courage, and walked over.

What happened next was nothing short of remarkable. The person I had feared turned, extended their hand, and met my eyes. In that brief exchange, there was honesty, acknowledgment, and most importantly…closure. In that moment, the fear lost all its power.

I left the event feeling lighter, almost superhuman. Free from fear, free from the loop of negative self-talk, free from carrying them in my head.

Here’s the truth: I can’t promise your encounter will go well. Sometimes it won’t. But preparing, training yourself for it can shift everything. I skipped too many events because of fear. It was like living partially caged. That night, I found the keys.

Mark Twain once said:“I have been through many terrible things in my life, and some of them actually happened.”

Don’t let fear cage you. Take the step. Feel the fear, prepare, and go anyway. Sometimes all it takes is five seconds of courage.