Ride or Die!

The People Who Show Up No Matter What

When I first learned what ride or die meant, it hit me hard.

I’d seen funny videos and heartfelt reels about “ride or die” friendships, people laughing, crying, and showing up for each other in every kind of storm. But it wasn’t until I listened to a podcast where experts talked about how rare these relationships truly are that I paused.

Many people don’t have even one ride or die in their life. That realization sat heavy with me.

So what exactly is a ride or die? It’s someone who shows up, no questions asked. It’s the person who doesn’t just say congratulations when life is going well, but the one who shows up when you’re completely flat on your back, life knocked out of you.

They’re the one who gives you just enough time to cry, then bends down and whispers: “It’s time to get up.”

And the best part? They don’t pull you up. They stand beside you while you figure out how to get back up on your own.

Ride or dies don’t judge. They call you out when needed, tell you the truth even when it hurts, and love you just as you are. They celebrate your wins, especially when they’re quietly wrestling their own losses. And if they ever find out you were struggling without calling them? Look out. Because they take that seriously.

The Many Kinds of Ride or Dies

When I think about the ride or dies in my life, I realize they come from all different places, home, work, and friendships that have spanned decades.

My kids, to be honest, are my truest ride or dies.They’ve lived through my hardest chapters, the pain, the fear, the struggles and each time, they’ve had my back without hesitation. They’ve watched me at my lowest and somehow managed to love me harder in those moments. They’ve been ready to roll if needed, to stand with me no matter what. There’s something profoundly humbling about being loved that way by your own children.

Then there are the work ride or dies.If you’ve ever worked in high-pressure environments like policing, healthcare, or emergency services, you know what this means. These are the people who go through the fire with you. You build deep bonds forged through shared stress, sleepless nights, and moments when you’re the only ones who understand what it feels like to carry that kind of weight.

But work ride or dies can be different. They’re often tied to the specific role or environment that brought you together. When that chapter ends, sometimes those relationships fade naturally. It doesn’t mean they weren’t real or meaningful, it just means that season in your life ended. Still, the memory of that loyalty stays with you.

When It’s Not What It Seems

Not everyone who presents as a ride or die actually is one. There are people who appear loyal who rush in when you’re struggling, who seem to want to help but their motives aren’t pure.

These are the manipulators, the toxic ones. They step in when you’re vulnerable, but instead of truly supporting you, they collect your pain like currency. They may use it later to gaslight you, to undermine you, or to twist your story to others.

Sometimes it takes years to recognize that someone you thought was your ride or die was actually using your vulnerability against you. That realization cuts deep. There’s grief in it because you didn’t just lose a friend, you lost the version of yourself that believed in them.

But here’s the truth: even those painful lessons teach you something invaluable. They sharpen your instincts, help you recognize authenticity faster, and remind you to value the real ones even more.

Gratitude for the Real Ones

Writing my book reminded me just how blessed I am to have multiple ride or dies in my life. They’re strong, kind, funny women who have shown up for me for years. They’re the kind who would “clear my browser and clean up the scene” if necessary (kidding… mostly).

I don’t know who needs to hear this today, but if it’s you, take a moment. Think about your people. The ones who have shown up, stood beside you, held your hand, and told you the truth when you didn’t want to hear it.

If you have even one of those people, you are richer than most walking this earth. Because when the world falls apart, those people don’t run from the fire they walk through it with you.

And if you haven’t told them lately, do it now. Send the text. Make the call. Tell them: Thank you for being my ride or die.

A Small Story of Showing Up

Recently, I had a trip fall through after I’d already booked a non-refundable flight. I texted two of my ride or dies. Both responded right away. One simply said:

“Give me the date and location…I’m there.”

She booked her flight that same day.

No hesitation. No questions asked. Just fully showing up.

That's Ride Or Die.