It's Just A Test. Relax.

It’s hard to watch.

People in tears. Shaking. Completely undone by a test.

And yet, somehow, it’s the test that seems to matter most.

Not the hours of study. Not the practice. Not the setbacks, frustration, or quiet perseverance.

Just that one moment. Sometimes minutes. Sometimes seconds. And we hang our entire sense of worth on it.

I have heard dozens of stories about people failing tests of all kinds. What strikes me most is how similar those stories are. Someone fails, questions everything, and almost walks away from their dream. Then, often, someone else who has failed before, steps in and says, keep going.

And they do.

And before long, that same person who once failed is now changing lives. Sometimes even saving them.

Testing matters. Of course it does.

But when we get it wrong, when we place too much weight on a single outcome, it can be devastating. It can crush dreams and alter life paths in ways we never intended.

I shared in Tightrope that I didn’t feel I scored well enough on the LSAT to apply to law school. I let that one test define me. I let it close a door I had dreamed of walking through for years.

Now, you could argue that “failure” led me exactly where I was meant to be, in policing. And I wouldn’t trade the life and experiences I gained through that path.

But I still see it. Everywhere.

Young people. New recruits. Students. Professionals. Leaders.Taking tests, school, university, career, and when they don’t succeed, it feels like everything is falling apart.

I refuse to call this generation weak. Their experiences are real. Their emotions are valid. And dismissing that helps no one.

So what do we do with failure? Especially when it forces us to change direction?

A few thoughts.

First, you often cannot understand what a failure is doing for you in the moment. It takes time. Distance. Reflection. Sometimes years.

Albert Einstein is often said to have spoken late as a child and struggled early in school. Yet today, his name is synonymous with brilliance.

That’s perspective.

In leadership and in parenting, I learned not to rush to label something as failure. Because there is almost always something valuable inside it. Often, the most life-changing growth comes from what didn’t go right the first time.

I have sat in rooms where people are labeled as failures. Where teams are described that way. Where individuals are told they “continue to fail.”

But I don’t believe in “complete failure.”

The Post-it Note exists because someone failed to create a strong adhesive.

Spoiled brown bananas become banana bread.

Spoiled milk becomes cheese.

The end of a relationship often leads to the beginning of something new.

Even in science, breakthroughs are often born from mistakes. A forgotten petri dish led to the discovery of antibiotics because someone chose to look closer instead of throwing it away.

That’s the difference.

Failure isn’t the end, it’s information.

It tells us what didn’t work. Or maybe what didn’t work here, with these conditions, for this person.

So don’t throw it all out.

If you’ve recently failed, give it time. Step back. Create some distance. Let the emotion settle, then look again, with curiosity instead of judgment.

If you’re leading a team that is struggling, pause before reacting. Look deeper. There is almost always something underneath the surface that needs to be understood, not discarded.

Because in the end, life is just a series of experiences.

You have a limited number of years, just a handful, really to live them. There is no single failure or success powerful enough to define your entire life.

So if today feels like failure, hold on.

There is every possibility that what feels like a loss right now will become something meaningful later.

Sometimes, you just need to look at it differently.

As Bob Ross said, “We don’t make mistakes, just happy accidents.”

Keep going.